10 October 2011

Moments of Joy and Sadness

We were surrounded by our family and friends as we dedicated our babies to the Lord on Sunday, October 2nd. What a day it was! A day filled with love, grief, and new joy.

Tears of joy flowing from my eyes...not a dry eye in the church. As our dear friends and our pastor prayed for us I could not contain my emotions. We had waited so very long for this day. We had waited to present our babies to the Lord, He gave them to us as a gift and now we were dedicating them back to Him. Beautiful prayers were lifted up to Him...prayers for the girls to know Jesus at a young age, prayers for Erik and I as parents to be wise and godly parents.
"I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you Hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
This verse continually came to my mind that day. A familiar verse I had held onto for many years as we struggled to have children. It continues to remind me that God has a plan for our family and it's amazing to see that plan come to fruition. My 2 precious girls bring me such joy and I feel truly blessed. God's timing is always the best...I could not have said that a year ago, but so thankful I can say that today!

On October 12th, 2011, Ivy Allison would have been 3 years old. We were able to honor her on her birthday with another visit to the Precious Moments Chapel. Last year, on her 2nd birthday, we purchased a brick to be placed outside the chapel. Above is a picture of the brick. We feel like this is another way to honor her memory. This year going to the chapel was bittersweet..we got to bring our daughters with us...a tradition that will live on for many many years.

Here are the girls are dressed up for Ivy's birthday and getting a picture with her brick. Each year when we go to the chapel we walk around the chapel and always end up in small room with a few pews...a room dedicated to the artists son, who died as a teenager. Each year we pray and cry in this room...it is a place of great comfort. However this year brought something new...a poopy diaper...now I don't mean to make light of this, but I loved knowing we had to change our daughters poopy diaper. Can you call that a blessing? I do! So, needless to say we didn't get to spend much time in that room this year. At the chapel there are also several books you can write in, to remember loved ones in heaven. We write a little note each year. After I wrote the note for this year, I looked back at what we had written the past 2 years. It's amazing to see the changes each year. I can see true healing in what we've written each year. As we walked through the chapel this year I didn't shed a tear. I told Erik that I didn't understand why I wasn't crying this year. I am still sad about losing Ivy, not a day goes by that I don't think of her, but my heart is healing. There will always be a piece of my heart with Ivy, but now I have two precious girls to fill the emptiness I felt for so many years. I feel healing and I am making huge steps in that process. The day Ivy was born she was wrapped in a pink blanket, a blanket I have slept with every single night since Oct. 12 2008. I used to cling to that blanket...to her memory...feeling hopeless. I recently decided to put that blanket in her memory box...a huge step for me. It's hard to describe..I don't want it to seem like I'm letting go of her memory...a mother never ever forgets her baby. But I don't need the blanket to cling to anymore, it was my security and my security should be in God alone. Ivy's 3rd birthday was a day filled with sadness and renewed joy...her sisters and her parents will never forget her!

A baby dedication and a remembrance birthday....what a month it's been. Through it all God is with us.
I AM GOD WITH YOU, for all time and throughout eternity. My perpetual presence with you can be a continual source of Joy, springing up and flowing out in streams of abundant life. Let your mind reverberate with meanings of My Names:Jesus - the Lord saves, and Emmanuel - God with us. I suffuse your soul with Joy in My Presence; at My right hand there are pleasures forevermore.

"You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence."
Acts 2:28

I will leave you with this photo of the girls playing at home. True Joy when I see them smile!
Playtime on the activity mat! Hope loves it!

I hope to not go another 6 weeks before updating the blog. Everyday is a new day and I take them as they come. I finally feel like I'm out of that postpartum fog and feeling like a confident mommy!!

Love you all!