Mollie decided to relax with me today. She hasn't been laying on my lap much since I've been pregnant, but today she must have needed some extra lovin. She gently got up on the couch and laid down on my legs, kind of nuzzled up against my belly. Such a sweetie!
My thoughts are all over the place right now. I am wrestling in my mind with thoughts and realities of carrying the babies, how the babies will be delivered, and bringing babies home. I still have not relinquished all my fears to God because they continue to haunt me. Why is it hard to let go? Because it's hard to forget my past. It's hard to forget where we've been and fear of living that again. My prayer today was that I would not allow these thoughts to become worries. I know it's reality to have concerns, especially with what I've been through, but I cannot allow my mind to turn those concerns into worries. It is true that when I worry I am drawn away from God, allowing those worries to consume me. I think at this point I'm just ready for my girls to be here in my arms. However, as I continue to say and need to take to heart myself, the Lord is using this time and soon enough it will all be behind me. That's where the fear comes in...fear of the unknown future. How long will I carry my babies? How will they be delivered...will they be safe? Will they come home with me? As I pour my heart out to all of you, I also pour my heart out to Jesus. I read two devotional readings this morning and both of them spoke to my heart and the thoughts I've been having.
The following are from the devotional Streams in the Desert.
This is all God asks of you as His dear child. When you become weak through the fierce fires of affliction, do not try to just "be strong." Just "be still and know that He is God." And know that He will sustain you and bring you through the fire. Be strong and take heart. Psalm 27:14
The way to peace and victory is to accept every circumstance and every trial as being straight from the hand of our loving Father; to live "with him in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 2:6), above the clouds, in the very presence of His throne; and to look down from glory on our circumstances as being lovingly and divinely appointed.
Be strong, He has not failed you
In all the past,
And will he go and leave you
To sink at last?
No, He said He will hide you
Beneath His wing;
And sweetly there in safety
You then may sing.
In all the past,
And will he go and leave you
To sink at last?
No, He said He will hide you
Beneath His wing;
And sweetly there in safety
You then may sing.
Today I will be still and know that He is God and He is in control and I will live with him in the heavenly realms. Beautiful thoughts!
In Him,
Jamie
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